So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
