I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I wear drunk well.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
