so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
