Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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