It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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