It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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