sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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