eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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