Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
