yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
