I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
