It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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