I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
