Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
True strength comes from lack of pants
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
