I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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