booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize