my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
