Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
