Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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