Swine flu. Run for my life!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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