Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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