people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
