my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
