Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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