The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize