Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize