at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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