How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
