That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
