walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
