I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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