When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
