I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
