i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
