she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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