I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
