It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
