I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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