i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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