whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
