6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
