Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
