Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
