He asked me if I "almost moaned"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
