You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
