mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize