We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just tell him i said nine months
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
