no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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