Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
