just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
