Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
the liver wants what the liver wants
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
