Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
