You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
