yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
