I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Send help, water and tortillas.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
