And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
