Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
