I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
