I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i believe in u and ur pee
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