She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
