I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I party with great urgency now.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I have post one night stand depression
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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