i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Everything about him screamed your future.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
