Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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