remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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