Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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