she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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