I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
