my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
