This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
