there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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