I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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