I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
