we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize