I wanna passion pit in your ass
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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