i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
