If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Are we still banned from the library?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
