God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
