yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
