I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
