he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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