Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
