when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
