Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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