do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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