He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
