The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
