Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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