i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
