see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
