so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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