They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
