i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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