We're like a lot better than the average bears
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
