She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
