Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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