life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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