you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
