yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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