Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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