dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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