Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
