My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I love you.
Bad choice
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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