I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Randomize
