your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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