im six kinds of drunk right now
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
