were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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