The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
