It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
